A friend recently posted an article she’d read on Facebook called “The Dark Side of Tango.”  In a way I could see the “truth” in the points the writer was making but it was all so negative – from dissatisfaction to frustration, via addiction, rejection, and trauma.  Tango will take all your time and money. Oh, and the intimacy of the tango dance is fraudulent because it isn’t the real thing. His words, not mine.

I was left thinking yes, there are elements of truth in the above, but what interests me, and is more useful, is how to relate to Tango in positive way to experience the joy AND have a good way of dealing with the downsides.

Tango is a sort of relationship. Relationships can be mild or intense. They can be enriching or limiting, safe  . . . or dangerous.  Whatever “type” of relationship you have, it needs managing, it needs nurturing.

Tango is also a microscope – for us individually and as a social phenomenon.  It’s not Tango that has the dark side, it’s us, and other people.  Whatever is going on for us, good or bad, Tango will amplify it.

The one rat-hole his post doesn’t mention specifically  is that Tango can draw you into its own fantasy world.  That can be marvellous but if you take the fantasy too seriously, when reality bites it’s the disconnect that can trap you.

Like the best relationships you can think of Tango itself as the therapy – it can remind you very clearly who you really are . . . and are not.

We have to know what works for us.  Become a good learner.  Choose your teachers, events and your aspirations, carefully.  Set realistic goals and timescales– the old cliché about the journey not the destination is highly relevant. There are some moves I know I will never master, or I’m not ready to take on yet. For example, I would love to do Enrosques and Back Sacadas.  The spirit is willing, but the knees  . . . ?

Celebrate your successes.  Celebrate your failures too, because you can learn from them – how to avoid them in future. Protect yourself from damage – from people, events or your own unrealistic ambitions.  On occasion I have turned round and gone back home because I’ve realised I’m not in a good enough state that day or for that particular Milonga. There are some Milongas (even popular ones) you will never see us at.  Often we leave early when we’ve had enough. Personally I avoid partners who might be good dancers, but the chemistry is all wrong, what’s the point of dancing with someone when you don’t feel good in their arms?